Friday, June 17, 2011

Waiting Game and Prayer Requests

Well, we have made it through the week and I'm still pregnant. So much for the 3 different doctors telling me "There is no way you will make it through the week." Ugh!

I went to the doctor yesterday and really hadn't made much progress. I am still 3 cm and 80% thinned. The only difference was that Baby Girl has dropped to -2 station.. so at least she is a little lower I guess.

My doctor did start to mention induction dates. He said "I think it would be easier for you if you went in to labor on your own, but we can go ahead and schedule a date if you are wanting to." The only day he has available next week is Thursday, but he said I could do it Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday with other doctors. I was torn. Of course I wanted to be like "Monday!! Lets do this ASAP!" but then in the back of my head I was thinking "But I really like my doctor the best and should I really mess with fate? What if something goes wrong and its all my fault for forcing labor to begin by picking an early induction date." Eek! I went ahead while we were there and tried to schedule it for Monday because I really like the doctor on call that day too. When we got to scheduling, the lady told me Monday was booked and it would have to be Tuesday or Wednesday. Ah! Is that another sign? I went ahead and scheduled for Tuesday, (I like that doctor too, just haven't seen him as much) and told them I may call back and cancel, but I just wanted to have something down just in case, before they get booked up.

So here I am, completely torn. I don't know whether to go through with it on Tuesday or just wait until Thursday. I know there really isn't much difference in the two days. I think what stresses me out the most is that I feel like the longer I wait, the more days off work I will waste without baby girl in my arms and that is just less time I will get to spend with her on maternity leave. Thursday would make it two weeks wasted...and I already don't get much time in the first place.

My other concern is "What if my body doesn't respond well to induction?" Should I wait until Thursday to give it every possible chance of going in to labor on its own? But is two days really going to make a difference? I really hadn't started freaking out about this until the big fiasco last Friday. (Remember my earlier post?) After all of that happened, my anxiety about labor has been OUT OF CONTROL. I am so scared that something like that will happen again or I'll have some kind of reaction.... and that was miserable and so scary that day. I was actually talking about that with the nurse yesterday and her response was "Yea, it very well could happen again." She said she thinks I had some kind of vasovagul response (something like that.. I'm not a doctor? haha) I was like "Thanks lady, my anxiety just tripled again." And really, I have been so anxious about everything since Friday, that I can't sleep at night AT ALL. I have been getting myself so worked up thinking about that all happening again, so I sit up all night long stressing about it (for some reason, its worse at night). I'm sure that can't be good for the baby. I probably should have asked the doc for some medicine to chill me out a little...but I'm just trying to push through haha. We are almost there.

So, needless to say, Ben and I both left the appointment pretty disappointed yesterday. Even Ben verbally stated that he was disappointed. So, as of now, we are just waiting. I haven't been having ANY contractions at all..not even Braxton Hicks. I have had some other symptoms though (I won't explain) that have led us to feel like she was on her way... but who knows. I would just give ANYTHING for my body to go in to labor on its own before Tuesday so that we don't even have to worry about making a decision.

So, I guess for all of you prayer warriors, I would love if you could say a quick prayer for us to help ease my anxiety about labor in general and to help us make the best decision about when to induce based on what God's plan is for us. I just keep praying that he will show us what to do, or that he will make it easier on us and just let me go on my own in his timing. I am also in constant prayer for a safe and easy delivery with no complications. I'm hoping that I'm having all of this pre-anxiety about labor, and then the real thing won't be nearly as bad as I thought. Kind of like our wedding... I was so emotional in the weeks leading up to the wedding and thought I was going to cry my eyes out throughout the wedding day. Then on the actual wedding day, I didn't shed a single tear (except during the father/daughter dance!). So, we will see! Hoping to post soon with pictures of a Precious Baby Girl!! Thanks for the prayers in advance!!

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