Tuesday, February 7, 2012

What They Don't Tell You

Being a mom is hard.

Working full time and being a mom is hard.

It's hard to get up and get all of us ready and out the door at a decent time and factor in at least an extra 20 minutes to drop the little peanut off at daycare.

 It's hard to get home after 5:30 and only have about two hours to try to get dinner made for me and Ben, feed MH, bathe her, and get her in bed.  That doesn't sound like a lot but feeding her, bathing her, and getting her in the bed is at least an hour to hour and a half ordeal.  And let's just be honest, a lot of times if whatever we are having for dinner isn't in the crock pot, there's no telling what we are eating because it's really not easy to cook a detailed meal with a little one around.

It's hard to not really have a free second to myself or even a second to just sit down and take a breath until about 8:30 or 9 at night; and even then that's really the only time there is to pick up the house or start some laundry or empty the dishwasher along with getting everything ready for the next day.

It's hard at the end of the night to have to go start the 30 minute process of washing all of the bottles and preparing the formula for the next day.  Luckily, we've kind of worked out a schedule where Ben cleans up the kitchen and washes/makes bottles while I'm bathing MH.  He does a lot of the behind the scenes work and I'm so thankful for that.  I really don't know how single moms do it (Though I am sort of getting a feel for it with Ben during busy season.  Ugh, life of an accountants wife.)

It's hard to have a sick baby and having to figure out ways to take care of her but also manage my career.  It's hard to figure out who's going to take off to take her to the doctor or who's going to stay home with her when neither of us really have any more "time" to miss work as often as we have had to the last few weeks since she has been sick so much lately. And, then there's the emotional turmoil that comes with that because when I'm at work I'm thinking "Oh, I need/want to be home taking care of my sick baby," but when I'm home with her I'm thinking "I can't believe I'm missing another day, I've got so much to do at work."

It's hard to manage all of those little things that have to be done outside of work.  It's hard to find time to even go to the grocery store. When I could usually go after work and it didn't matter if I got home a little late, it's much different with a little one. That gets her all off track and then makes the night even more hectic than it already is.  It's not easy to just pop in and out of places like I use to if I have an errand to run.

It's not easy driving around town or to and from work with a screaming baby, who hates her car seat by the way, in the back. She doesn't always cry, but when she does she means it.

It's hard to try to find time to do things that I know I need to be doing like exercising, spending time with just Ben, consistently doing my devotionals, or intentionally praying without getting interrupted. To be honest, there are often days where I've fallen asleep mid-prayer and not noticed (if even at all) until the morning, or days (if I even get to it) where I find myself just trying to hurry through my devotional to "check it off my list" without really being intentional with it or really having a clue what I just read because my mind was elsewhere.

It's hard to find time to hang out with friends and maintain those relationships, especially when we have very few friends with children so most are on totally different schedules/routines than we are.

It's not easy never being able to sleep in on the weekends anymore or never being able to have a "lazy" day or just take a nap when I want to.  It's especially hard to keep going on days where she didn't sleep well the night before.

Oh and ready for a good laugh?  Look what happened to me the other day.  I was running around town one morning before work trying to find a daycare and trying to at least get on some waiting lists.  Of course it was POURING down rain and I was in a hurry because I still needed to get to work at a decent hour.  I was at my last stop and when I pulled up and got MH out of the car, I noticed her diaper was full but decided I'd change it after we came back out of the daycare since I knew it wouldn't take long to just drop off the wait list deposit.  So I ran in, sat at the desk to talk to the director and had MH sitting on my lap.  Apparently she must have had the urge to use the restroom again because I suddenly felt something warm hitting my legs.  I immediately raised her up and cut the director off in mid sentence saying, "Oh my gosh, I think she just went to the bathroom on me."  I looked down and this is what I saw...

Yep...it had come out of her diaper, right on the crotch of my pants.  I mean it couldn't have been in a worse spot.  Of course everyone starts dying out laughing...including me, who was totally humiliated and shocked at what had happened. The worst part of it was that MH had on a light white/pink outfit which meant you really couldn't see the wet part on her.  I'm sure the daycare ladies thought I had wet my pants but was blaming it on my child. hahaha Good times.

Then one night last week I went to bible study and then came home to get MH in the bed.  Usually MH doesn't go with me to bible study but Ben was out of town for work again.  Of course I had her out way past her bedtime and by the time we were leaving she was not happy about it one bit.  Let's just say that wasn't the most peaceful ride home I've ever had.  Anyway, when I got home I finally got her to bed and was in the kitchen washing bottles.  I heard her coughing her little head off constantly so I went to check on her.  I picked her up to try to help her quit coughing and then she threw up... EVERYWHERE.  No, this wasn't just a little spit up here and there, it was like everything she had eaten that entire day or maybe the entire week all over the place.  It got all over me, so much that it soaked through my pants leg and was dripping down my leg, all over my bed, all over her (Sorry if this grosses you out..) Ew! Luckily, our new soon-to-be brother-in-law/uncle was staying with us for the night and I yelled for him to help me. Nothing like a little baby vomit to welcome him to the family! :)

Nobody warned me about those moments or those weeks days when it seems like absolutely nothing goes smoothly.  (Surely I'm not the only one that this kind of stuff happens to?!)

There are days where I feel like life is just unraveling so much faster than I can handle and I'm just flapping my wings trying to stay up.

But, as soon as I start to get discouraged or feel overwhelmed, MH will look at me with the sweetest little grin on her face that makes my heart melt. There's nothing better than having her reach for me to pick her up or reach for me to hold her because she knows that I'm her mama.  There's no greater joy than the joy I have when she first wakes up in the morning and I literally can't wait to get her out of her bed because she is always in the sweetest mood.  I can't help but notice that every single day one of my favorite moments is picking her up from day care, and I find my self running to the car without even realizing it.  I love to see her get so excited when she sees me walk in the door and she starts grinning and flapping her little arms.  There's nothing sweeter than rocking her to sleep every night and having her rest her little head on my shoulder, or having her rub her little hand up and down my arm as she drifts off to sleep. Its so fun watching her change daily and getting so excited over the new things that she is learning and doing every day.  I love the moments where she cuddles up next to me in my bed or on the couch. I love watching her play in the bathtub or seeing her excitement when we buy her a new toy or when she realizes that she is doing something new (like crawling!) and gets so proud of herself.  It's music to my ears to hear those sweet baby sounds or giggles that shes been doing so often lately.  Words seriously can't even describe the joy that feels my heart during all of these moments and so many others.  I know God puts all of these happy moments throughout the day to give me encouragement and perspective on those tough days.

Being a mama has taught me so much.  I love to imagine what it must have been like when Jesus was a baby. I wonder how it felt for Mary to rock him to sleep each night.  I love to relate the parent/child relationship of Me/Mary Hyatt to the relationship of God/me. I love to think about the immense love that God has for me compared to the way I love MH.  To know that he loves me, his daughter, so much more than I love Mary Hyatt is so comforting to me.  To know that he has my best interest at heart just like I do for Mary Hyatt gives me peace. I love watching Mary Hyatt look at the world with such innocence.  She doesn't care who holds her or talks to her, she just welcomes them with open arms and toothless grins. I love that she forces me to be productive and forces me to get out of bed every morning, even when there are times that I would prefer to push the snooze button just a few more times.  Having a baby has even given me an entirely new appreciation for my parents- knowing that they too sat up during the wee hours of the night rocking me to sleep or making sure my every need was met.

Yea, so being a mama is hard at times but I know that at the end of the day, it's seriously one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had and I wouldn't want it any other way.  I truly thank God daily for entrusting me to this sweet child and using her to teach me about who he wants me to become. I just hope that as I continue down this journey of motherhood, I can strive to remain intentional in everything that I do.  Intentional in my relationship with the Lord, intentional with my relationship with Ben, intentional with my child(ren), intentional with my family, intentional with my friends, intentional with my career, intentional with Everything...even when the going gets tough.


  1. Praying for you Mama! You're doing a great job and, I promise, it does get easier!

  2. I read your blog last night and then I prayed for you before I went to bed! (I went to school at Alabama with Ben by the way! ha!) I am not a mom yet, but I know your honesty had to be so encouraging to other mom's out there!! I don't know how you're doing it all, but I am SO impressed!! I hope you get some rest and feel renewed this week! If you're looking for a good, quick read devotional my all-time favorite is Sarah Young's Jesus Calling. You literally will feel like Jesus is talking directly to you! One thing my sister said when she had her kids was that she realized that there are different seasons in your walk with the Lord, and at some points in being a mother her season was just constant prayer instead of devotionals with the Lord since her time was so limited. I'll be praying for you!!

  3. Hey! I just found your blog while looking for some information for CFY's in a SNF setting. I just had to comment, because I can SO relate and every single word you wrote in this post resonated with me so much, I almost felt as though I myself had written it. I am currently in my CFY at a SNF and am doing my best to stay afloat - with a husband that frequently travels. My Undergrad degree was in Marketing, and after some time with a career in that field, I chose to return to school to pursue a Master's in SLP. I had to do some leveling first, and did that when my son was 2 years old. Just after getting accepted into grad school, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. I was elated, and overwhelmed at the same time. I had to take off some time 2nd semester of my first year, which delayed me an entire year for graduation. This worked out well, because I still had to catch up on a few leveling classes and was able to take them without having to worry about adding them on top of my already bloated schedule. I re-entered grad school the following year and just as I was wrapping up grad school - I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd blessing. I had to take my Praxis exam and Comprehensive exams exhausted from pregnancy and HUGE! :) I took time off after graduating this past May to have my 3rd little one in September. She is 10 months old now, and I'm in the thick of my CFY, hoping to complete it in Nov/Dec. I am very encouraged by your blog and excited I found you. Just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone and that I appreciate hearing about your experiences ;) Thanks for sharing.


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