Tomorrow is your first day of day care and my first day back to work since you were born. I have been dreading this day for several weeks now, and for the last 3 nights I have literally cried myself to sleep knowing that our time together is over. It makes me so so sad to know that I won't be spending every minute with you every day, and that I am going to have to entrust someone else, a complete stranger, to take care of you. It makes me so sad that I may miss some of your "firsts" if they happen while you are at school.
As I've reflected back over the last three months, I have realized how special this time has been. I remember the day we first brought you home and your daddy and I were completely overjoyed. Those first couple of weeks, we were exhausted and completely overwhelmed and scared that we weren't fit for this new adventure of parenthood. But, then we started to get the hang of it and you started to get adjusted to life in this big world. I remember several days during that first or second month just letting you sleep on my chest on the couch while I napped along with you. I remember you waking us up almost every hour or 2-3 hours throughout the night during that first month because you were hungry, and at the time I was so exhausted and I would have given anything for a full night of sleep. I remember taking you on walks almost every morning after your daddy left for work and sometimes you would start crying halfway through so I'd have to pick you up and carry you. When we would get home, we would both be drenched in sweat. I think about all of the times we ventured out to either Target or Babys'R'Us to just get out of the house and have somewhere to go to walk around. I remember sitting out in our front yard on a quilt with your bare bottom exposed because I was trying to help you get rid of a diaper rash. I remember the day you gave me that first big smile and how my heart about exploded with joy. I think about all of the days I have spent hours rocking you and wishing you would stay that size forever. I remember laughing at your daddy the first time he tried to change a dirty diaper because he freaked out and called for my help, and then somehow he managed to leave me changing it instead. I remember in the very beginning your daddy and I taking turns bouncing you constantly to keep you from crying. If we stopped because our legs were hurting, you would get fussy so we had to keep going and take turns. haha I remember thinking it was so hard to get a shower or to take you anywhere by myself, and I wondered how in the world I was ever going to get back to a "normal" life.
Now, just 3 months later, you are so easy and so different. You will lie on your back and entertain yourself or sit in your bouncy seat for a long time giving me plenty of time to get showered or do things around the house that I need to get done. You are so easy and so much fun to take places and we have spent multiple days running several errands around town. You rarely cry unless you are hungry, wet, or really tired. You are such a sweet and happy baby and we are so thankful to be your parents. We really can't imagine our life without you. You bring so much joy and purpose to our life. I am so thankful that I was able to take 12 full weeks off of work to spend with you. I have loved my time of just you and me every day sweet girl, and I know these next couple of days and maybe even weeks are going to be especially hard on me. Its unbelievable how much you have grown and changed in just three short months. I now completely understand what people mean when they say "they grow up so fast. Enjoy it." I think thats what makes me so sad about you starting daycare. This is just another big milestone (If this is this hard,how will I ever survive kindergarten? or graduation? or you getting married one day?!) and I feel like you are just still so little and it feels like you are doing something new daily, and I don't want to miss a minute of it. And, just so you know, your daddy is having a difficult time with this as well. When we went to meet your teacher last week, as we were walking out he turned to me and said "Man, this is hard for me. I can't imagine what its like for you."
But, we know that daycare will be good for you too. We're excited for you to have the opportunity to be around other babies and to make friends as you grow up. We know that you will receive stimulation to help aid in your emotional, social, mental, and physical growth and will be in a very loving and christ-centered environment which is comforting to us. It will be great for you to be on a set routine and for you to have such structured days. I'm really not worried about you tomorrow because I know you will do great and will be well taken care of. I've even made a folder for your teacher describing things you like and don't like along with your feeding and napping routines. I'm really just more worried about me haha. At least I've already prepared my boss and co-workers that I may be a basketcase for the first week haha. I am really excited though because starting next week, we have worked it out where I will be able to have every Friday off from work so I can stay home and spend some time with you.
So, its the night before daycare, and I know you have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but we are ready. I've got your bag packed and I soaked up every minute with you today and loved on you like crazy. I know this is good for you and its good for me and your daddy; and with time, we will all be fine and will think its no big deal.
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